Daughters, Roots and Wings...

I listened to Nas's song, "Daughters". Like any normal father, I thought about my own. Living in another city, in another country. My beautiful 7 year old I am so proud of, who is so much like me in certain ways, so different in others... The one I love and cherish above all. The one I dedicate every effort and breath in my life to.

The song got me thinking. My daughter is 10 years younger than Nas's, so he is dealing with a whole different level of problems, problems I aforesee, but have no means of dealing with until they HAPPEN. But the tender age of 7 brings its own lot of parenting issues; I would say, it is a crucial stage in a child's development. My daughter loves me. And she damn sure knows I love her.

But am I a good father?

Who knows. We think we do enough, we think we do the right thing, we make choice in their name because they are in no position to make them themselves, and then sit and wonder if our choices were correct. Then life answers to us, sooner or later.

The thing is, I wish I was a better father. A more present one. One she could actually call and SEE within minutes, when she needs to. But such is life... I do what I can with whatever means I am given. More than child support, more than money, more than cool holidays, a father is supposed to be the ultimate reference for a daughter, a role model, The Man Above All Men, the one who will define the type of men she will consider letting into her life. What does she see when she is with me? What is HER perception of HER Father?

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 I have her for vacations, weekends when I can, I spend quality time with her, but I skip all the day-by-day hassle, much to my own sorrow. I didn't sign up for this. Having kids and not living with them is not my conception of family, yet, it is my current status. Life made it so, and though I have made my peace with it a long time ago... I can't help but wonder (and see) in which way it affects my daughter.

I am not perfect, nor will I ever be in her eyes. Every day in this world I try hard to BE the father I want to be, I can be, she needs me to be. From a distance, but not at all absent. Concerned. Protective. It is not an easy task to raise a child, it is even worse trying to do it from another country. That is why I have to give a lot of props to her Mother. No matter what went down between us, we share the best thing in the world. And she has taken over the task of taking care of our precious treasure DAILY. To the best of her abilities. My role is a frustrating one, quite like when my daughter was still in the belly, and I was passive, waiting... Well, not quite passive, since I was helping create a secure and comfortable environment for her coming. Guess I have to continue to do that, but to a whole different level. And succeed better. 

I have to teach my baby girl the difference between right and wrong. I have to give her the tools to face whoever, whatever situation. Teach her how to fight. Not literally, of cousrse. But fight for her ideas. For her values. For her integrity. For her ambition.

"The only things we can give our children are Roots and Wings".

Roots to keep them grounded, give them sense of where they come from, of their own History, their family and cultural richness;

Wings to help them achieve their goals on their own, reach their full potential, fly in the direction they chose to, with confidence and awareness.

Parenting is a lot of work. The only one that can give you grey hair and an everending smile at the same time. You do your best, and you'll get a few things right... Eventually... The secret is to never stop trying...

"They grow fast
One day she’s ya little princess, next day she talking boy business
What is this?
They say the coolest playas and foulest heart breakers in the world
God get’s us back, he makes us have precious little girls"

Nas, in Daughters