3 things I hate about me (and you should too)

Last year I gave you "three things I like about me (and you should too)". It's only fair I even it out by showing the not so bright side of myself, the one I am not proud of, the one I struggle with on a daily basis...

I AM A CHILD- not an actual child, but somehow I kept this ability to sometimes act as if NOTHING was important, therefore jeopardizing the very things that are REALLY important to me. I need to get a different attitude towards life and problems, face them in a more balanced, less do-or-die manner. Otherwise, I'll just keep losing track of what is real, of what matters. GROW THE FUCK UP FOR A CHANGE, MAN!

I AM COMPLEX- just as any other human being. But me... I take that shit to the next level, scoping, analysing, autopsying every piece of tiny bit of fragment of my life and the world around me as if I were Albert FUCKING Einstein dissecting some mollecular structure! ENOUGH WITH THAT! When will I give myself time and space to just LIVE? No stress, no guilt, no obsession with tomorrow and how it will turn black (anxious people like me always paint the picture black, ALWAYS!), and just enjoy what I have TODAY and fight everyday a little bit to preserve it? Do complexity, analysis, introspection necessarily have to turn into NO ACTION? there is a name for that: PROCRASTINATION! And it's time to let that bitch go for good!

I AM HELLA INSECURE- yes. Forget all the ego tripping, the constant bravado, the "I-got-swagger-like-no-other-and-balls-the-size-of-Texas" attitude. I am just like anyone else, constantly doubting myself. But being a complex childish motherfucker, I do it in ways inimaginable for a 30 year old man with a child. I sometimes feel like I have not evolved from that chubby, lonely, speechless 10 year old, whose best friends were books and movie characters, who didn't know how to ride a bike, got breathless two times faster and couldn't keep up with the other boys, so he laid low. Growing up, I have spent an awful amount of time trying to fit in, to be one of the boys, then one of the top boys. Sometimes it might seem like I made it, that I am what some guys would like to be, but trust me, no one wants to be in my shoes once they get to know that fat silent scary kid within. Deep down inside, he just needs to be accepted as he is. Without the image of the smart, witty, smooth talker architect with a hat. Just that child, that needs to be told he is no less than the others, that he can be just as brilliant, just as good in anything if he puts his heart into it...